Lately, I have been afforded more time then I have in a very, very long time. Or at least time to reflect on myself and my place in life, and I have to admit it’s been amazing. I have opined many wonderful thoughts and ideas along with discovering a new sense of being. I can think of one other time where I was afforded this much time for thought and growth but squandered it away as my mind was focused and centered on whimsical ideas about life and relationships.
The fact that we get so caught up in life in what people think of us or where we should be let alone how we constantly judge us for the mistakes that we have made. When I think back of how hard I tried to fit in with the in-crowd or be apart of someone’s life who didn’t have time for me let alone themselves I think how much idle time I wasted. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have regrets because the truth is I do, and there are times I sit and reflect upon them. I think back when I should have really buckled down and doubled down on myself but instead, I left to join in, the moment and the happenings with the people of the times.
The thing that makes me reflect upon those moments most is that while I keep with the moment I would later watch others go on and accomplish things I envied and wish that I would have done. As I looked around me I found a bunch of people around me who didn’t do anything or be apart of anything. No, illustrating my wows, is not an attempt at gaining sympathy, but one should know from where they are starting from in order to know the direction in which they are going in. If you don’t know where you’re going then your simply sailing a ship with full sails out into the middle of nowhere, to go nowhere.
Yes with each graduating class I measured myself against them. That reality really hit home when some of the people I looked up to most put their heart and soul into things and now their life reflects their reality, they are in fact their art and craft. As much as I judged myself I began to look around me and with the company I keep I justified my situation. I continued to disillusion myself with the idea that I was doing something, I was going somewhere because I was traveling the world and making art. In the end, I was returning back to the middle of nowhere, and I truly mean the middle of nowhere.
The middle of nowhere was a place that was just that, that middle of nowhere. A place where you lost yourself and lost yourself to the vices of mankind. If you were already lost it was even easier to lose yourself in nowhere. Again I also think back to the ideas that I laid forth earlier in other posts, the excuses I had made.
Then everything changed as my thoughts started to go through my new philosophy and a new way of thinking. I reminded myself of the things and ideas that are most important to me and put everything into perspective. Almost like dropping emotional baggage, I simply dropped everything and realized that my new life was happening around me, and it was now up to me to step up and accept that reality and run with it. In a moment of peace and happiness the George Harrison song “Within you, without you.” Within that one song is a lot of enlightenment and almost came to me as a message as if to say, you got this, you can change things, and you can still be everything you hope to be and so much more.
“We were talking, about the space between us all
And the people, who hide themselves behind a wall of illusion
Never glimpse the truth, then it's far too late when they pass away We were talking, about the love we all could share
When we find it, to try our best to hold it there, with our love
With our love we could save the world, if they only knewTry to realize it's all within yourself, no-one else can make you change
And to see you're really only very small
And life flows on within you and without you, We were talking, about the love that's gone so cold
And the people who gain the world and lose their soul
They don't know, they can't see, are you one of them? When you've seen beyond yourself
Then you may find peace of mind is waiting there
And the time will come when you see we're all one
And life flows on within you and without you”
George Harrison
Few people realize that life flows on with you and with out you. That the old saying is true, life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans. In the moment we lose sight of our lives and forget that while we are the main star to our own story that we are still just a background charter to other stories. We can live a life without ever living a life, and that changing our life is really up to us. As I take in the lyrics and surreal sound to the music I look around as if I can see my life manifesting; I just had to open my eyes and see the world though a new lenses, a new perspective.
When I fell I knew that I would be back on top of the world better then ever, ready to take on the world and set sail for a new voyage. March 4th came the good news that I would be setting sail, the extract day I had put into the universe. Though this manifestation would not have been possible had it not been for the people who also believed in me. Now that I see the foundation of my dreams become reality I move forward with great ambition and caution as to not make the same mistakes that I once did.